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*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.