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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.