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My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride