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Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.