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If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.