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Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!