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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.