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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.