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You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
I only accept apologies in cash.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.