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I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…