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never be afraid to wipe twice
Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
It`s not a mental breakdown if the police wasn`t called.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".