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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
My house has really let itself go.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
It’s a status….not your diary…
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.