Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.