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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.