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I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.