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Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
"Everybody freeze!" -December
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
Is Nudeism a religion?
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.