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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Calling credit cards "a convenient alternative to cash" is like calling crystal meth a "diet substitute".
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when I’m awake.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.