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Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.