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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
Does the Food Network deliver?
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
I really just need a vodka cranberry and a slap on the a$$. Hold the cranberry.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.