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I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I`ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.