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We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early, so I left too.
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.