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I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.