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I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.