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I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?