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I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister