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I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
I like to go to the bar and flip peoples license plates upside down, then go home and listen to my scanner.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
I just watched Back to the Future Part II and not once did I see a person walking around staring at their smartphone.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
I play hard to get along with.