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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren`t going to see me 7 more times before then.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.