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If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
According to my neighbor`s rooster, it`s 5am now. Also according to my neighbor`s rooster, we`re having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.