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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!