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When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
If you are really bored, I recommend mass texting all of your exes "I`m ready to give it another shot" and then get ready for the ride of your life
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?