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I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
My tricks aren`t for kids.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.