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I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.