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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.