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Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.