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Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.