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Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
Saying the word "awkward" in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.