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The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
“That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.