Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.