Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.