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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, “I’m not crazy!” and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
You chicks spend a lot of money on makeup to look pretty. Save your cash, buy him Alcohol.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.