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"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a prescription bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness."
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!