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My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
is a mystery you´ll never solve
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.