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Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.
"Oh my god, you`ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mom