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I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don`t have to be nice anymore.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol