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I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.