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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Don`t waste my timeline.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.