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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
Chip clips are for quitters.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.