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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.