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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
Iām actually not funny. Iām just really mean & people think Iām joking.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
I hate it when Iām singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
I hear boomerangs are making a comeback.
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."