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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.