Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.