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Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Scientists have discovered that at least 50 percent of fat people’s BMI is made up of excuses...
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?