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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes