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Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
That awkward moment when you make a Harry Potter reference and none of your Muggle friends get it.
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with