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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!