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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.