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Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...