Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.