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Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Marriage is for quitters
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"