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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.