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Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.