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If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
I just made you think of an elephant
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
It`s no fun if you have permission.