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I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.